A personal journey to unlearning racism
What does it mean to be white? Or male? Straight? For those of us who benefit from prejudice and are trying to build an equitable world, how can we express ourselves and call in others in ways that dismantle discrimination?
These are questions that I’ve been exploring for 30 years, and since I’m developing new offerings to help industries and organizations to decolonize, I’m going through a process of re-remembering my path to questioning privilege.
I believe that anti-racism is healing for white people. I also believe that sexism and the other power dynamics that divide us need to be ultimately undone by those who hold power. It’s one thing to recognize that a space is not safe for women. It’s another to understand why and change it so that it becomes a safe space
On the surface, whiteness, maleness or being straight are simply indicators or expressions of personhood. They describe how many of us feel. But in a world where we are divided between those who have more or less power, we may feel shame for the privilege they bring or guilt for the suffering that others experience.
My story of awakening to my racialized and gendered identity (as a white, able-bodied man) is long, and starts in the 1990’s. It involves questioning my privilege, and then a path to healing that took me from intellectual anti-racism into an emergent embodied anti-racism. I have come to see this as a necessary second step, because:
White people don’t experience racism so we can only feel the pain indirectly;
We underestimate how deeply racism is imprinted on us from childhood and during a period in our lives where we are dependent on those who were socialized to invest in prejudice.
In my early twenties, I had completed an undergraduate degree in philosophy and political science where I focused on international relations and analyzing economic and power relationships between countries.
My journey started when I learned about the tremendous disparities of wealth between countries, and how trade policies made this worse. I learned about economic and power relations between groups with more privilege and those with less. I was an anti-apartheid activist, like many progressives at the time.
I wanted to know how asymmetric and too-frequently violent or threatening expressions of relationships of dominance and subordination are maintained…and how they could be diminished or eliminated so that everyone has equitable access to resources and influence.
I was interested in the way that we use language to train our children in these expressions of power, and how as white adults, we continued to be convinced that our economic and political dominance was somehow natural or normal.
In my neighbourhood, I often passed by the Cross Cultural Communication Centre an anti-racism advocacy non-profit. I entered and asked if they needed any volunteers. I was clear that I knew little about racism even though I inhabited a body that was privileged by every measure.
The Centre gave me a project to do and being the only white guy at the organization, they started sharing books by authors like bell hooks, Toni Morrison and James Baldwin. At the time, these three were starting to write about something called “whiteness.“
I saw an interview with James Balwin where he said (I’m paraphrasing here): the biggest question about racism in America today is “why are white people so insecure about themselves that they create and maintain all these institutions, laws and policies that are specifically designed to preven others from getting what white people have.”
Toni Morrison wrote about how white authors describe people who are different than them: “The subject of the dream is the dreamer,” meaning that people of colour are represented to reflect the biases and prejudices of white writers. This normalizes stereotypes, and reinforces the expressions of power in society - a literary confirmation bias.
I felt these words deeply and wanted to explore more…so much so that I decided to study whiteness through a Masters program at York University.
Because there was no established curriculum, I had to create a path that was a combination of cultural studies, communications and public policy. Today we might call it Critical Race Theory. I wrote my own courses and had an interested and supportive thesis committee.
My thesis described, quantified and analyzed the codes of communication that white journalists use to communicate with their white audience in central Canada through two mainstream newspapers: the Toronto Star and Globe and Mail.
I examined newspaper coverage of a story about a group of Tamil refugees who were dropped off the coast of Newfoundland by a German ship captain who had promised to take them to Montreal.
The refugees were welcomed by local residents and initially gained sympathetic but paternalistic coverage in both papers.These were people who came to Canada at great risk, and for the same reasons my ancestors came – to escape war or persecution and to achieve a better life for their children.
Through the analysis of vocabulary, grammar and images, I showed that the journalists broke the rules of objectivity to create animosity, mistrust and sought sources to mobilize their readers to support the rejection of these refugees who were ironically escaping a civil war. Canada soon changed its rules to be more restrictive.
My work tore down the notion that immigration laws were objectively good or fair. In fact, they are the product of a political negotiation between some people with power and others with power, within the context of a country established (and for over 150 years, secured through a legal system imported from Europe) by a predominantly white population.
The arrival of the Tamils, like so many other waves of newcomers described how we have designed policies designed to exclude those who don’t look like me.
After completing my Masters thesis, I started a career in community services, developing projects and businesses that served marginalized communities, and eventually running a consultancy focused on improving service design and access for marginalized communities.
My anti-racism work and self-reflection was a crucial part of my business success and that of my clients, because I recognized the need to be humble and compassionate to the groups we wanted to better serve.
I became aware of the extent and cost to society of discrimination. The cost of serving the most marginalized is by far outweighed by the savings we get as a society.
I recognized how involving marginalized community members in service design was guaranteed to improve the outcomes for them and for the agency providing services. I became a systems translator and mediator to build relationships across difference to improve lives.
Only 30 years later, when I started to do healing work including meditation and therapy, did I realize that my understanding of racism had been almost purely intellectual and there is a deeper form of anti-racist consciousness.
Authors like Rhonda V. Magee, Dr. Ruth King and Shakil Choudhury were using a combination of ancient mindfulness practices and the most current neuroscience to help people heal from the trauma that is inflicted by exposure to racist words, actions and organizational structures.
I joined a diverse group of American executive coaches who were using Chirzad Shemaine’s Positive Intelligence approach as a means of interrupting the effect of the amygdala on us - both as people experiencing racism and those perpetuating it though words and actions.
I facilitated a book club for Next Gen Men which runs programs to help men unlearn the parts of us that are toxic. Through dialogue and brotherhood, we learn to embrace deeper, authentic connection with others that intentionally undermines sexism.
I co-led a program with an American colleague, called Transforming Dominant Culture (TDC). In TDC, we used Dr. Ruth King’s concept of Racial Affiliation Groups (RAG) to support white people on their path towards allyship together. We helped people on their journey to be more resilient and to respond rather than react. Through these actions, we become more effective in dismantling discrimination and racism in ourselves and the organizations we lead.
In meetings held over 6 weeks, we demystified “whiteness” through historical analysis of the creation (in law) of the social category. We developed and shared practices to anticipate and be present in a deeper way so that we could anticipate, recognize and respond to racist incidents. We discussed how we can reduce the traumatization of non-white people in group settings and be stronger, more consistent and effective allies.
As we enter an era where many are seeking a path towards reconciliation, I am interested in doing my part to dismantle racism in all areas of my life and in two areas professionally:
In non-profits and healthcare, working with boards, executive and staff teams to become aware of our deep programming and interrupt its impact on ourselves and others. It’s important to me that community and health services are welcoming to all and provide the highest standard of care which is not possible when stereotypes and discrimination interrupt healing pathways;
In industries like mining, agriculture and logging, unlearning dominant practices need to be applied to gender relations as well. This will be accelerated by the adoption of the Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples in Canada, BC and other jurisdictions.
I have found that one of the most promising ways to unpack and dismantle racial discrimination is through compassionate conversations with other white people, guided by curiosity and a shared exploration of the seemingly rational (and usually wrong) assumptions that other white people express in private.
How can we continue to unlearn and dismantle privilege? I am currently working with a community of leaders, coaches, educators and others to develop practices and processes that will help us decolonize our organizations and industries, starting with those who want to reap the benefits of dismantling discrimination within themselves and their colleagues.
We start with reframing racism and how it manifests in white people emotionally, psychologically and developmentally. And we move on to develop practices to increase self-awareness, curiosity and discernment instead of judgement and reaction, we can redesign our organizations to be led by a sense of openness to the experiences of others.
The work moves us away from feeling like we need to select the “correct“ response, and from the fear of needing to be perfect. We all make mistakes on this journey but humility and having the courage to change course form the boundaries of the path to reconciliation. We learn to repair relationships without giving into others’ fear or hatred of others.
In the process of unlearning, we heal from the prejudice and judgement we learned as children and become more powerful in building equitable companies and societies where everyone belongs and can be their most productive selves.
In industries like social services, education, healthcare and mining, there is so much to be gained by unlearning our internalize beliefs and which trap us in a sense that if others gain rights, then we lose. The reality is that equity is good for everyone.
Tell me what you think of this, and share your journey too. Anti-racism is healing for all of us.